Hello, I hope you are all well? If you guys follow me on Instagram (@Fashion's Playground) you would have seen that I have an obsession with reading books around love, life improvement and achieving your purpose.
For every month this year I have decided to share 'the book of the month'. 2016 was honestly a life changing year for me, the majority of my core values changed simply because I have been exposed to what real life really is (I started working in the corporate world, I travelled, I met so many amazing and less amazing people lol). I will do these book reviews in hope that I can help you guys, as I also discover myself. XXXXX
1. Why Did You Choose To Read This Book?
So what had happened was...... One day I got really upset about my boyfriend not wanting to see me on a particular occasion. I have no brothers and although I love my dad and have the listening ear of my brother in law, this just wasn't something I wanted to discuss with them. The bottom line was I DON'T UNDERSTAND MEN!
So as I was scouring the internet for youtube videos of women who were going through similar situations, in the comment section of a video, one lady recommended this book. I immediately ran to Amazon (as if Amazon is an actual person that saves lives lol). The reviews on this book were so mind blowing that I purchased this book on my Amazon Kindle App and finished reading it on my iPhone that same day! (yesterday to be exact)
2. What Questions Has This Book Answered?
'Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man Extended Version' has helped me answer the following questions:
a) How does a mans mind really work?
b) How do I let him know what I want without scaring him away?
c) He has so much potential, could he be the man of my dreams?
d) How can I have a successful career and a successful home?
e) How do I know that he is never going to leave me?
f) Why do so many successful women die alone?
g) How do I know if a guy is serious about me?
h) How do I make him understand me?
i) How do I know if he is a waste of time?
j) How do I know if he is the one?
k) Is it just sex he wants from me?
l) How do I get the ring?
m) Why do men cheat?
n) Why can't he just love me the way I love him?
o) Why does he put his work and career before me?
p) How do I know when it's time to walk away
q) Why do men always ask 'can you cook?'
r) Will I ever be truly happy?
3. What Were Your Views Before Reading This Book?
So growing up in a household of 3 girls, where my mum was the breadwinner for both her immediate and extended family, my view was that I have to be independent. There is no way I will ever live off, nor rely on a man. A successful man wants a successful woman. That was the time when Neyo's 'Miss Independent' song dropped and all the women around the world were singing 'Miss Independent thats how I love her.....'. On dates I would be the first one to bring out my purse and say 'no I'll pay for my own meal', then flick my hair. In my mind before I could be loved or treated well by any man, I had to be successful and independent.
Fast forward to June the 7th 2013. This would be the day that would change my entire life forever! This was the day I met my boyfriend (for those of you who have been following for long enough you already know him). Our first date was in Soho London, it was meant to be just a meal but ended up turning into a meal, a movie, dessert and drinks HAHA! I remember sneaking back in to my house at around 1am. Anyway, long story short, he paid for everything. He knew I could pay for it myself but that didn't matter, a real woman can do it by herself but a real man won't let her. He supported all my dreams and encouraged me to do better. By the second date he introduced me to his mum and sisters, and by month 3 he flew me to Paris. Till today I can not think of a time where I payed for anything, except gifts for his birthday, christmas and valentines day.
3. What Are The 4 Most Valuable Things Learnt From This Book?
*Quick disclaimer!: all situations differ and no human being is the same, I am not an expert, this is all from my life experience, it's okay if you don't agree with my views but I am entitled to my own opinion*
a) Men always have a plan. In the very beginning, all men want the same thing. Sex. Your boundaries will let him know the price of that. So if you first meet a guy and let him know exactly where you stand i.e. I am not here to play games, I want to be married, I want to have children and I want love and respect, this will save you ladies a lot of time and heartbreak. (Please don't say it in those words exactly, you will send every guy running). Women do not set boundaries for guys when they meet them, this is how you end up in a 2 year 'relationship' where the guy has never claimed you. Being straight forward will 'send the waste men running and the real men coming'.
b) Men are very very simple human beings. Remember this principle about men and you will have a long lasting successful relationship. 'Men are here to Provide and Protect'. If a man really loves you he will Provide! It does not matter how much he makes or who makes more money, his main focus will be to make sure you and the children are fed, clothed and have a roof over your heads. Provision can also come in the forms like something going wrong with your business and he helps, or your tired from a long day so he cooks and looks after the children. If he loves you he will provide a solution to that problem and help in anyway he can.
For me a guy paying on the first date is an indication of provision. There is no such thing as a 'gold digger' this word should be replaced with 'lack of ambition'. It is only a woman who has no goal for her life that will be going round looking for a man to provide her with a certain lifestyle, while she sits at home all day watching Netflix. That is lack of ambition. I can pay for my own meal, a real man knows this but won't let you. Let him do it.
I am all for women going out and changing the world. However what will all that success and hard work mean when you have no one to share it with or no one to love? There are women who do not aspire to get married or have children and that is perfectly fine, I however am not one of them I am a 'Hybrid Feminist'. At work I am the boss, but I want to come home and be taken care of, cook him a good meal. When I'm with my man he's got us, I don't need to behave the way I do at work or with my business because he's got us, it's been taken care of. I want a man to provide for my children and still support me to achieve all my dreams whilst I support his dreams. I can buy my expensive bags, holidays, support you financially, but take care of your responsibilities. This is what works for me, but every woman is different.
c) There are 2 types of men. 'The Sports Fish' and 'The Keeper'. The sports fish is that guy who is in the club every single weekend (all the local club promoters know his face), or the one who cannot even take care of himself but wants you in his life so that you can raise his kids and provide for them all by yourself, or the one who wants you to tone down your ambition to tailor to his ego, or the one who is in church winking at all the single ladies during prayer time, the one sliding in every girls DM's and liking every picture in a skirt . Ladies you know this guy is not serious, but you still choose to invest your time and energy in to him hoping that one day he will wake up and realise that your an amazing woman who he wants to settle down with!
This is never going to happen.
The keeper, the guy who has something going for himself who knows that in order to complete his life he needs a woman who has something going for herself. The man who is willing to put in the work for you, the man that has a set plan for his life and can see you being apart of that plan. If you both want the same things out of life, then you can see him being apart of your plan. The man who wants to support you to be the best woman possible.
Do not confuse the 2 or you will waste years of your life!
d) A man is driven by who he is, what he does and how much he makes. If the man your dating is still in the stages of making his plan come to life or on the path of success, he will have to prioritise that. You should also prioritise achieving your dreams. Everything he does is because he loves you and he wants to become the best man to provide for and protect you. If you truly love your man, you will support him in his decision to attend a business start up seminar instead of taking you for dinner. The sacrifices now will reap rewards later.
Relationships are about how to support each other to become the best human beings possible, if the both of you can't do that then walk away.
5. What Are Your Views After Reading This Book?
Fast forward to January the 16th 2017, if a man cannot take care or provide for our family then that is not the kind of man I need to be with. I was created to do everything a man cannot do, not do everything a man does and more. If thats the case I can do good all by myself, I can stay single and live the excellent lifestyle that I provide. A woman can be there to support or assist, but I am not here to do what a man who says 'he loves me' is meant to be doing. I am working and achieving my dreams because that's what makes me happy, I have my own identity/ purpose to fulfil and I do not want to be a extra burden to your responsibilities of our household and children.
I work in the corporate world and I have seen a lot in my young life! Trust me when I say 'If your man is not spending what he has providing for you and your family, he is 'providing' for another woman or 'providing' for his 'extra curricular' activities.
6. Would You Recommend This Book?
Yes Of Course!
Love and Marriage is so sacred, but how to adapt this in the 21st century has not been taught. I salute all the women who have had to take on the role of both a mother and a father for their children. To all the young ladies working hard, keep going! After fulfilling your dreams if you decide later that you want to get married then fall in love with a man that will bring out the best in you. Love is the most important thing to me, without it nothing makes sense. I am working hard to be a successful woman so that I can achieve my purpose to inspire other women and be happy. This will enable me to become the best mother and wife that I can be. I also want to have a stable and successful home where I can raise grounded children and come home to a man that loves, supports and protects me. I still believe that a successful man wants a successful woman.
Women remember you are loved! I know those men have not treated you right, but remember YOU ARE LOVED. A real man will protect you from hurt and pain, he will not allow anything harm you and he will provide for you and your family.
Thank you all for reading and I'll speak to you all very soon!
Buy the book 'HERE'
I want to thank my boyfriend, without him showing me what a real man is, I would have never come the realisation that a man can support his woman in her dreams and provide for his home. Shout out to my brother in law who is the definition of a real man. Special thanks to my dad for protecting his 3 baby girls and my mum for showing us women can do anything and everything.